... and I'm drawn between happyness and panic!

First: I had really great holidays with my bf in Norway. It was quite cold but I enjoyed every minute of it.
Second: Yesterday my parents left my flat with a van full of my stuff. So the flat is almost empty and my flatmate is moving all his stuff in.
Thirdly: Still a hell of a lot to do - organizing that really need too much energy! I thus booked a nice massage for tomorrow :-)

Now for the checks:
- pack my stuff
- give away everything I don't need
- have my furniture sold/ picked up/ storraged  --> my bicycle and a lamp are still waiting for their new owners
- cleaned everything (including clothes)  --> have to wash some of my clothes
- paint the flat
- pick up my visa in M
- make a goodbye present for bf
- say goodbye to all my friends/ family  --> will call my family on the weekend and write a mail to all my friends once I arrived
- burned all my CDs and DVDs on my laptop
- visited the doctor again
- and everything else I forgot right now.  --> hm... dump trash, repack my stuff... hm...

Really, I tell you... I could have used another week off on that ship, relaxing, not thinking of anything... oh man... I'm sooooo tired...

I start to feel VERY nervous. Or rather... I have been very nervous for some time now.

I had my last day at work almost 2 weeks ago. And since then I started to realize that my travel to China is becoming real. And that is SO scary! I mean, I am not scared of China or of the University or anything like that. I am scared that everything will be totally new and confusing. And I am SO sad to leave my friends, my family and most of all my bf behind.
I already started to count the study as "4 times half a year" instead of "2 years" (which freaks me out). But... it is only 18 days!

Besides, there is SO much left to do. Next week me and my bf will be traveling. The week after that I have to:
- pack my stuff
- give away everything I don't need
- have my furniture sold/ picked up/ storraged
- cleaned everything (including clothes)
- paint the flat
- pick up my visa in M
- make a goodbye present for bf
- say goodbye to all my friends/ family
- burned all my CDs and DVDs on my laptop
- visited the doctor again
- and everything else I forgot right now.

Oh man... I really would like to stop the time right now. I'm totally stressed and need some time out to calm down and think and prepar and... just for myself.

I don't know how to describe it: I'm looking forward to studying again and going to China and seeing new things and all that. But I almost cry thinking of leaving here!


Hm... this could be the last post for a while. I'm not sure when I will have internet again. And if LJ is allowed in China anyway. So "see you all soon"

*hugs&kisses*

I found something or rather someone new who is worth listening to:

Norwegian Recycling: http://www.youtube.com/user/cappapie#play/uploads/6/Tran2ChS_Gw

LISTEN!!!

... work! Wouldn't you say?

But I can tell you: Nothing as bad as having to go to work and having NOTHING to do there.
My company currently goes through insolvency, which means:
- everyone is scared to loose their job (especially my boss which is annoying)
- there are no information whatsoever about how and if it will work out
- no decisions are made - ever!
- no projectwork is done - absolutely NO

Result: Me and my colleagues sit there all day doing nothing, being bored, playing Mahjongg, being bored...
Isn't that motivating?

Please God (or whatever) - once I am older and leading a company *haha* let me be a better boss
Now for better news:
1) I totally fell for my boyfriend. It took a while but it feels sooooo good. Even if I have to leave him in a short while (and will miss him sooooo much).
2) We booked great holidays up in Scandinavia. This week will be so much fun :-)
3) The documents from my university arrived. Gosh! It is really overwhelming: "Go to A to get form 1, then to C for form 3. Hand 1 into B and 3 into A after you got a note from F...". That will be a lot of work there! And till then I still have to get a Visa + Health Certificat... It is really good, that I am off in August :-)
4) I can count the days till I'm off work on 3 hands ^^
5) I finally (after 2 years) got the data from my old and broken PC back. So... I hope I can do a bit of writing again *g*

And now... off to work *yawn*

Okay, so the boyfriend-file is not closed yet. I really really like him and currently try to fall in love with him. He really is a guy worth loving ^^ And I thank yumenohikari for sticking up with my moods and complains and helping me realize how very very much I like him *sending hugs & kisses*

But now its plans plans plans I have to do. I'm accepted into this great IMBA program in Beijing. BTW: anyone here from there? Please don't be shy and shout ;-)
I just got an e-mail from my new university - I asked which date the program will (defenitely) start - and they didn't know yet. That makes me a bit suspicious and worried that I after all choose the wrong university. But the real problem is that before I don't have the date, I can't resign from my current job - and I just told my bosses that I will do so this week... And I don't want to resign before I defenitely know when I will begin... That is a vicious circle *grrr*
And once I know when the program starts (and when I have the official package from the university) I can finally start planning moving, selling all my stuff, getting a VISA, looking for a room/ fly/ job...

Oh man/ women --- starting a Masters Program is really much more work than I thought. And it costs much much much more nerves than I ever expected...

But at least my presentation ("How to organize your Master Study") at my old university went really really well today and I'm totally happy because it was soooooo much fun. And now I know that being a teacher would defenitely be a career option for me. Dumdumdidum... I'm still high on the adrenalin and endorphines ^^

... it is going to be Beijing from August on :-)

Anybody here who wants to give recommendations/ tipps?
Or do you even study at T. University's SEM?

Dumdidum... I'm soooo looking forward to it XD

Oh man, oh girl... life can be SO unfair such a bitch!

First the good part; I'm currently going out with a really really great guy. I have to say that I'm not in love with him. But it feels just too good with him to say "no". Yes, I feel a bit bad about that but... well... it still feels right    :-P

Otherwise I finished all my applications. Or so I thought some hours ago. And now I have a mail from my Nr1 University saying that I didn't make the 2nd round because documents are still missing. WTF?! I checked it! There are NO documents missing in the application! NONE AT ALL! Oh man... that really depresses me! I SO hope they find their mistake and take me in!!! *grrrr*

Now I need some Scrubs or Smut to bring me into better mood :-(

... every day.

I love music so much I can't think of how life would be without.

And the saying is correct: There is a perfect song for every situation and mood.

To brighten up YOUR day too, I put my current most favorit songs up to dl HERE (60MB).

Have fun listening and enjoy your week(end).

Hugs & Kisses

... I just did the worst job interview ever!

When they asked me to introduce myself all I could to was tell that I made my A-Level then studied and now work.... I forgot all the mayor points, the courses I visited and why I choose this and that... Arggg...
And as for my questions; I couldn't remember any of them and had to improvise... Arggg...

Stupid Stupid Me!

My professor nearly killed me yesterday:
Two application deadlines are due on 28th. The post there neads at least 4d. I told her 2w ago that I needed her letters of recommendation for these Universities on 15th. What did she do?! She first completed all the letters I need later - and then the important 2! Finally she told me last Saturday that she will send them off on Monday. Yes... I just got them yesterday! And even more... she send it via courier to my home. But since I was at work they coudn't reach me and I had to go to them and pick it up. And their office was in the middle of nowhere!
BUT I made it in time there and back to the post office where I send the application packages off. Puh! Now cross your fingers that they will arive in time    XXX

After this episode and the last weeks I'm now much more relaxed:
Today I have to go grocery shopping, do a bit of housework and then we have 5h Japanese class and then I meet my former boss and friend for cinema. That will be so much fun!
AND to make it even better; I have Monday and Tuesday off due to Fasching. I hate Fasching but if it gets me 2 days off - perfect! Just what I nead.
AND to make it better better I currently flirt with a really really nice guy on internet. I know that it is a problem that I plan to leave in fall but for the time being - he is really great! Can't wait to meet him in person!
AND to make it even better better better - I found out that the 4th volume of VF is out here in Germany. I will buy it today *jippi*

Sometimes I think that      life isn't too bad    XD


And not to forget: Happy happy happy happy birthday to chibi_ryuk      *konfetti werf --> das du selbst aufheben darfst*

Hm... So I studied very very hard for my GMAT test. I didn't go out or meet my friends for over 1 month. I always stood up early and went to bed late just to study. And then I was really confident for the test - my goal were 650 points.

Now... on Wednesday I took the actual test. And totally failed!
The essay part went quite well. Then, in the quantitative part, I registered how the questions became more and more basic. And the easier they became, the worse I did - and even ran out of time. The verbal part again, didn't go too bad. But DAMN! Math has always been one of my strengthes. And now I totally messed it up!

All in all I did get 55% in quanti and 66% in verbal, which adds to 590 (provisional) points.
Generally said this is not too bad since 2/3 of the test takers get between 400 and 600 points (f*** Gaussian distribution). But there are always 20% better than me. And unfortunatelly the Business Schools I want to go to have average points of 640. DAMN!

As you see I am quite frustrated. So much work for nothing!
And yes, I am scared that my points are not enough to get into a MBA programme. For once because of my GMAT and also because I only have 2 years of work experience and most schools want at least 3 years...
But then again I have a really good BA degree and scored high on TOEFL. And secondly they say that the final GMAT points could vary from the provisional ones I received. And thirdly I work in a specialized area. And most of all I am an European woman applying for an Asian Business School. Hope that gets me some extra points.

Puh! I know there is still a chance. Or at least that is what I want to believe. But the whole situation of uncertainty and frustration really stresses me out! I am scared that I will fail this time and loose my dream and believe!

And I SOOOO want to make my MBA! I SOOOO want to study again! I SOOOO want to study in Asia! DAMN!


...I think I sereously need a hug...

Isn't that true?!   *rofl*
And I absolutely love Spongebob ^^

I just came back from my TOEFL-Test. I tell you... I'm so dead!

The Reading part was fucking difficult! They say "3 to 5 texts with 14 questions each". And who got the 5 texts? Exactly - ME! So I had to answer questions about dolphins, plants, plants, plants and don't ask me what else but I think plants.
Listening was not too good either. Again; a lot of biological questions. And about art. I don't know a fucking thing about art! Well... that part was not too good...
After the needed break was Speaking - the part I was most scared of. Fortunately I didn't do too bad on that :-)
And Writing (last part) never was an issue for me. The themes were okay and the only problem (as always) was that I wrote much too much. And that we had to use American Keyboards (but actually typed on German ones). But well, that couldn't be helped...

To summ up: I wanted to have at least 100 points. And now I'm happy if I get even close to 100 points. That is frustrating...


Plans for today: Feeding the cat of a friend, going to bed to read LOTS of yaoi to feel better. Sounds like a good plan, nee?!

So I just did my last selb-test of Toefl. I got 100 points which isn't too bad. My goal, however, are 110 points. The exam is this saturday. And I still suck on speaking and writing. But how can one answer the question "Give examples on your experience when "waiting brings the better results" occured to you." when I experienced that acting is always better than waiting?! This sucks!

I'm, however, more concerned about other things:
Firstly there is the Gmat. I can't get my head around the (basic) math questions even though I have always been good at math *grrr*
Secondly I'm running out of time with my referees' reports. I should have handed them to my professors this week and I didn't even start to write them...
And thirdly I'm totally bored with work! Since my boss left for good it is much less fun. And I don't have much to do either but can't do privat stuff since our trainee is sitting right beside me.
Oh and not to forget; the idiot I fell for last year (yes, that one) and me have been exchanging mails again. I'm really happy for I don't like disharmony. But... I still like him *arg*. And now he didn't answer my last mail... MEN! Why can't it just work out like in mangas and movies? "And they lived happy ever after"... Depressing...

All in all; I'm totally stressed and need holidays (have been ill during new year and my vacation...)

I am/ was so not in Christmas mood. I would rather like to spend the days in Nuremberg than with my family and friends. Not that I don't like my family and friends. It's rather that my family tends to be annoying after a while and my friends don't have time to meet.

Apart from that I have to study for my TOEFL- test (taking place on 01/17) and my GMAT (will be on 02/04).
I did a practice test on each of them. Counted 87 for Toefl (on a total of 120) which is not bad but I want to have at least 100 points. And on the Gmat I just got 560 (total of 800) which is average and thus far from my (needed) goal of >700 points.
Thus I still have to study a lot!

Problems here are: I can't adjust to my schedule because I have to follow that of my family. Secondly I don't have a proper desk at my parents to efficiently study. Thirdly there are only few days left for Toefl and I will be away during the next week and not able to study.
ARGggg! Why do I always have to work under time pressure?! I'm depressed!

But to the nice points so fare:
I got great presents this year. A looooot of books, a nice calender for 2009, sth. for my computer, clothes and the CD I wanted to have :-)
But the best present was that M. and I talk again. Remember? M is the man I fell for in Spring. We haven't had any contact during the whole year. For Christmas I wrote him a mail saying "merry christmas" and he responded by saying it was great to hear from me. I really really need harmony in my life. Thus this was an important step to let go of all the mess in this year. On the other side I'm not quite sure how to act now because rationally I know that we do not fit together. But emotionally I still like him. What a mess ;-)
Another great thing is that C. invited me to celebrate New Year with him in Berlin. I'm really looking forward to spending time with him and to the party :-)


P.S.: If you find any mistakes please point them out to me for I have to relearn how to spell / write / speak English for my tests! Thanks in advance   :-)


P.P.S.: I wish all of you a happy new year and a great start into 2009!

So... it's the 24th already. And traditionally that is the "real" Christmas Day in Germany so

... to no one in particular:

1) Why is my torrent so slow whenever I nead it to be fast?
2) Why is your hearing so bad when you have a cold?
3) Why do you anyway always get a cold when you are up for a date?
4) Is it normal that one can't forget their first love?
5) Are 5l of juice enough for 9 people coming over for dinner?
6) In mxm porns they do wear condoms. But not in fxm. Why is that?
7) Is winter always that depressing?
8) How come that the GMAT has to be taken in English even so that's not your native language?
9) And on that matter; why does one need to take a seperate TOEFL then?
10) And most important: Why is there always too less time to do everything that is important?

Yes, life sucks sometimes...

Title: Perfect Family (Oneshot)
Pairing:  Asami (and his family)
Fandom: Viewfinder
Disclaimer: Asami belongs to Ayano Yamane
Warning: pathetic, OOC
Rating: R
Note: Puh! I haven't written in years (it feels). And I really really missed expressing myself that way. Anyway - I asked myself how Asami became how he is. Hope you like it and please leave comments! --- Oh yes, not edited!

... Queer As Folk

First I thought this series to be soooo stupid. But now I love it soooo much! The characters, the story, the music - everything.
And most of all this scene. In my eyes its just perfect.  





And which is your >All times favourite< and/or >Best scene ever<? Care to share?

Watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDsHvq6juEY
"Its a football thing"            (sure is *rofl*)

P.S.: I'm still alive and looking forward to camping next week